Bandagrams, Volume One
We all know the success of a band is determined entirely by the quality of their name. 100%. Near misses and partial backfires abound, however. What if Radiohead had stuck with “On A Friday?” Would Pearl Jam have dominated the airwaves as “Mookie Blaylock?” How many bands would cite Joy Division as a major influence* if they had kept playing as “Warsaw?” Would “Free Bird” still be demanded by drunks and ironics everywhere if it had been penned by “Myster Nelsyn,” my high school gym teacher? These are serious questions, and you should sit down and think about them.
So, we’ve established it’s all in the name, at least when it comes to Top 40 artists from the last 40 years. But what else is in a name? I present the first in a series limited only by a complex equation involving my own laziness and inability to stop geekin’ about wordz ‘n stuff: Bandagrams Volume One. We’re gonna take all the letters from a band’s name, all the magic and mojo that makes them successful, and mix them up into a new name that would be a spectacularly terrible, terrible choice. After that? I don’t know, maybe a cigarette and a jog, it’s all about balance.
There are only two rules: A) You have to use all/only the letters, and 2) You have to make real words, so, Jar, you can’t play. But really, this isn’t a game. I’m just going to tell you some ones that I thought up. You get all the points, though.
BANDAGRAM No. 1: Drive By Truckers anagrams to… Dirty Buck Server
Drive By Truckers are an awesome alt-country band from Atlanta, GA. Next time you see them, let them know that they also could have gone with DIRTY VERB SUCKER if they had been more on their toes.
BANDAGRAM No. 2: Ryan Adams anagrams to… A Sandy Ram
Yep, around here we love Jacksonville, NC native and Mandy-Moore-aficionado Ryan Adams. He also could’ve had A Man’s Yard, but that’s actually kinda OK.
BANDAGRAM No. 3: Bruce Springsteen anagrams to… EVERYTHING, EVER. NO JOKE.
Ok, that is a joke. But really, Bruce Springsteen is apparently the Boss of the alphabet as well. Bruce Springsteen anagrams to Burping Erectness. Or Bursting Presence. Or he could of gone with Pubescent Ringers. I’ve got a partial anagram going with “genre,” so if anyone has some pointers on that, I’m pretty sure there’s a diamond in that rough.
BANDAGRAM No. 4: Annandale Cardinals anagrams to… Land In A Carnal Sedan
Shameless. If we ever change our name, we’re totally going INLAND SCANDAL ARENA. It’s the kind of name you can just imagine booming over the airwaves. “August 18th at Lee’s Liqour Lounge, opening for outlaw-country maven PeeWee Moore…INLAND SCANDAL ARENA!” Just kidding, the Annandale Cardinals are playing that!
Got bandagrams of your own? We should totally hang out, you’re probably the coolest person I’ve never met. See ya next time!
*The number of bands that list Joy Division as a major influence and actually sound like Joy Division would remain constant. At zero.
